Looking back...

As I sit here and browse through all the photos on my computer, I've just been reminscing and can't believe how fast time flies and how big Chase is. I started blogging to journal so I can remember and then I get busy and don't write our events. It is so important to me because so many things happen in our lives that I want to remember someday and think I will and of course I don't. Just the little things of when Chase was a baby. I swore I would remember...and I don't. I didn't write everything down as I had planned, as all new mothers do I am sure. Some are a lot better at it but not me. And if I did this poorly with just one, let's see how it goes with two. I think I just get too wordy sometimes and think I have to write everything. Well, I guess I do because I look back and read the past year and smile at the memories I have here in blogworld. Maybe for my B'day gift I will send some of them to a book.

But my whole reason for tonight's reminiscing is not actually for fun. As I sit here I am listening to our beloved dog Sierra Jane, breathing, I know soon one of these breaths will be her last. She is just one and a half months of 12 years old and has some kind of cancer. She has lost so much weight and is struggling, really struggling. It has come to the point today that she won't even eat and barely drink. I made an appointment for the vet to come to our house to lay her to rest but I couldn't go through with it and canceled. And now as I sit here, I see just how selfish I was. She is suffering and now we have to wait until Monday, if she doesn't go in her sleep.

Such a somber post but this has been my life the past month of her slowly declining with Brad and I trying to save her. She is OUR dog, our family. We have had since we were dating and picked her out together at Lollipop farm when she was just 6 weeks old. But I am not going to go there tonight. Brad and I have been very emotional all week and we have nothing left. We are ready to say to goodbye and we have both told her it's ok to go. I am hoping she will go peacefully in her sleep.

But back to the pictures. I started looking through them because when you are faced with the reality that something that is so part of your life will no longer be there you wonder...do we have pictures/memories of all us? We are all family....Brad, me, Chase, Sierra, Jasper and even Baxter. But I could not find one family picture of all us. Thankfully I have a few of Chase and Sierra but not all of us. I know some may think that is ridiculous but that's ok. We had Sierra for 10 years before little man joined our family. We would send pictures of her home to family.

As long as she makes it through the night, we will get our family pictures tomorrow after church in front of our Christmas tree. She make look skinny and sick but we will have our family picture....

Last fall 2008....