Play. Guy. Water...

"Play." No more play Chase it's naptime. "Guy. Water." Mommy will go get your guy and water, now lay down and go Nee.Nee. This was Chase's last attempt to stay up. I told him I would run right down and get them...not more than 30 seconds later I am back up in his room and he is zonked out. It's too funny how they fight it to the very end.

Christmas Memories...Our Family Christmas

It seems like every year Christmas comes and goes in a blink of an eye even though right after Thanksgiving it feels like forever til Christmas Day. But here I sit reflecting on Christmas 2009 as it has come and gone again just like that. This year has been a year of memories for many different reasons, good and sad but experiencing Christmas through a child's eye is the best.
Christmas morning it was just the three of us. Since it was a late night for Chase on Christmas Eve, 10:30pm, he actually slept in the next morning, as did we. So when we lazily got up, we headed down for breakfast, cinnamon rolls for us and a granola bar for Chase, definitely not the ordinary but it's Christmas. While eating we opened our stockings and then off to open our gifts. I found a really cute Nativity book for Chase for Christmas but I think this one was still just a little too old for him. He did like the baby though.


No this is not the Nativity book, but Elmo.We didn't buy many gifts for Chase knowing he would get spoiled from everyone else, so what we did get him was special, mainly books, John Deere, puzzles and some clothes. He really enjoyed unwrapping the gifts and would say "play" after each one. We took our time and just enjoyed letting him unwrap the gifts, his, mine and daddy's. It was so much fun and so different with a child. Last year was fun but nothing like this year and I am sure next year will be more of a blast as he'll understand a little more.

I am kind of, well really bummed at the quality of my pictures. I must have had it on the wrong setting or something. Most of them were blurry. Any suggestions of what I am doing or should be doing?

Merry Christmas Eve!

It's been an interesting Christmas season this year. It started wonderful and normal with getting our Christmas tree, baking cookies, buying presents, wrapping presents, snow, lights and more. But then the long, long week of slowly watching Sierra deteriorate kind of put a damper on it all. Getting knocked of our feet with the stomach bug and the whirlwind, emotional day of putting her down really threw me out of the Christmas spirit. Even yesterday as I wrapped gifts, I wasn't enjoying it and frankly kind of depressed. But then God gives us the serenity of sleep and starting our days fresh and new. I prayed upon going to sleep to get out of my slump and get my Christmas spirit back.


Even with a sleep interruption in the middle of the night of Chase wanting a "snack", I woke up happy, kind of refreshed and ready for a busy day. The day included grocery shopping, yes on Christmas Eve. Grocery week happened to fall this week and I was not about to go on Saturday or Sunday so off to Wegmans we all went. It was packed as I knew it would be but I didn't think they would be out of carts. We had to search for one of the bigger ones so we could fit all our groceries. It was painless as long as we went with the mindset it's going to be busy and just deal with it.

A little more running around and home we went, 2.5 hours later. After lunch we all took a nap knowing we had a long evening ahead of us. A good 45 minute nap for me and off I went to bake Christmas cookies. I tried two new recipes and found them tasty....

Got ready, took a family Christmas photo in front of the tree and off we went to Carl's.

Family Christmas #1
(Pictures to follow another day)
We had our first family Christmas tonight and what a wonderful and exciting night. It's so much different adding kids to the mix, especially now that they are older. There were five kids ages, 10, 4, 3, 19 months and 14 months. So all of them are walking/running and had a blast with each other. There was not a quiet moment to be heard but rather laughter, chattering, feet pattering across the floor, and in the background adults trying to have conversations amidst all the "noise."


Even though Grandpa asked for the kids to open one gift at a time because he didn't want it over in 10 minutes like last year, his request was not granted. Try telling kids to slow down and wait for the next person, not when it's 10pm and they want to play. Chase got a big John Deere tractor and many small tractors and animals from Grandpa. He was thrilled. And he received a new "Where's Spot" book with the lift up flaps, he already has this book but some of the flaps are bent and one torn off so he was excited for a brand new one.


It was an interesting evening in the gift giving department. My SIL and I bought Carl the same exact gift, two to be exact. He was all excited when he opened the Harley Davidson book and I was so happy he loved it until I saw it wasn't my wrapping paper and realized Casey and Adam had gotten the same one. Plus they got him the same blanket but I ended up forgetting ours at home so that was fine. It was too funny because we ordered them from the same catalog. I guess it's not too bad first time in 13 years.

And then when Brad opened his present, which was Madden 2010, he looked at it funny. The store had left the entire security device still on it. We asked Carl if we stole it.

And then Carl bought Ella a little four-wheeler, the same exact one he bought Chase last year and Chase thought it was his. He finished opening it for Ella and wanted to ride it. Thankfully he let Uncle Randy take it home and didn't pitch a fit. He was happy to play the piano or with his tractors.

I am officially exhausted but ready for a fun family Christmas tomorrow morning. I let Chase open one gift tonight which was a little stuffed Elmo. He loved it and took it everywhere with him tonight.

Chase cuteness...

It is such a blessing and joy to have a 19 month old during this sad time. They are just so innocent and clueless, kind of. Last night was our first night in almost 12 years without our "1st kid" and we knew it would be sad but leave it to a child to lighten the mood and your heart.

It was bath night which normally relaxes Chase and gets him ready for bed. Well, for whatever reason last night was not to be. Since we were both exhausted, we decided we would start his bath time a little earlier than normal which meant an early "nee.nee" time, except it kind of backfired. The bath didn't relax him at all, instead he was wired as if he took a bath in a bowl full of sugar. Brad brought him into his room to put his diaper and jammies on and of course he wanted to be "aw baby" translation "naked baby." So why not it was still a little early and he was wound up. His room hadn't warmed up just yet so it was a little chilly but it didn't seem to phase him. He ran around playing and getting books.

He grabbed a book and took it to daddy to read to him. But first Brad had to sit down on the floor with him. So as Brad was sitting there reading his book, Chase was standing there, shivering a tad, and excitedly listening. Then all.of.a.sudden. I screamed a little and started hysterically laughing. Brad put out a small holler and jumped up. Yup, Chase had peed on him. It was too funny. As soon as I screamed out in laughter and Brad jumped, it scared Chase and he stopped. Brad hurried up and grabbed Chase's towel to wipe the carpet and Chase decided to finish. He of course thought it was funny because we were both laughing. When he was done he still wanted to pee and kept saying "more. more." while trying to pee. It was hilarious.

It lightened the mood and brought some laughter and smiles. After he still didn't want a diaper and was running around. Finally we put a "nee. nee" diaper on him and his jammies. I thought I was in for a long, tough bedtime because he was so wound up but after a few books, which he now must choose and is very picky sometimes, we did our normal rock and singing and down for nee.nee. Just like that he was out. I looked at the clock and it was his normal bedtime...so much for starting earlier. But that's ok we had some good quality time with our spitfire.

On a different note Chase does ask for Sierra. He was looking out the window this morning for her saying "Janie?" I told him Janie was bye-bye. "Outside" he says. Yes, honey, outside. Sniff. Sniff. Moments like these make it hard. Or when we are reading one of his books and he all of sudden yesterday decided to call one of the dogs "Janie". He absolutely adored her, as did she him. And Jasper misses her too. He goes outside in the morning looking for her and then just lays down.

The last photos of Sierra Jane. I took these Thursday when Chase and I went out sledding. I tried to take them so it didn't show just how terribly skinny she was and I had to be quick because she couldn't be out long.

I love this one...Chase just adored her.

Can you say...emotional rollercoaster?

Boy has this past week or month shall I say, been very emotionally draining well physically too. But most recently this past week has been very stressful mainly with the deterioating health of our beloved dog, Sierra Jane. She has been fighting cancer for a few months now and this week it really took a toll on her and finally today after a very long, stressful, emotional and physically draining weekend we knew it was time and called the vet as soon as they opened. As Brad left for work Chase looked at Sierra and said "Bye bye Janie." So sweet and we both cried.

Not only were Brad and I emotionally drained from the past week of the inevitable that we knew was coming but also this past Saturday evening we were BOTH hit with the stomach bug. Not once in the 14 years we've been together have we ever "shared" sickness. It started first with Brad around 8:30 pm on Saturday night and we just thought he ate something bad and then around 3 am I woke up and joined him. I am thankful for two bathrooms and that during all the walking and flushing Chase stayed sound asleep. Unfortunatley for Brad though he had to clean up Sierra's messes everytime he was up, her last few days with us were not good.

First thing when we woke up on Sunday, because Chase woke us up, I called my mom at 7:45am and asked if she could come get him. There was no way that we could care for a lively 19 month old in our state. She arrived 15 minutes later, got Chase out of his crib, put on his snowsuit and off he went. He had know idea what was going on. Mom looked at me and asked if I was even pregnant. I had lost so much that you would have never known I was 20 weeks pregnant or pregnant at all for that matter. Brad and I slept all.day.long. I didn't plan on my mom having him all day just because it's alot but at 3:30 we still weren't feeling well enough so I called my sister to see if she could take him for a few hours. She was very excited, as the kids love to play together, so my mom dropped him off and he stayed there until 7pm when Brad went and picked him up. All I know is that he had a fun-filled day playing with Nonnie and his cousins while daddy and I tried to recoup.

Not for the light-hearted....


Thankfully this morning we both woke up feeling better, exhausted and dehydrated but Chase wasn't sick and we had a new day EXCEPT today was the day the vet was coming. I called as soon as they opened to see when the Dr. could come...12:30pm. Which meant Brad would have to dig a whole beforehand and I would have to come home on my lunch break to lay our dog to rest. Can you say emotional rollercoaster? But we were both ready and knew it was time, she was not well at all and hadn't eaten in two days.


So out in the freezing cold, working on nothing but emotions since he hadn't eaten in a whole day, he dug a hole for our beloved dog. Thankfully we have amazing friends in our life and Jeff and stopped by to help, even bringing a grave marker, a handmade cross to go on her grave. So thoughtful and just that morning I was thinking that we didn't have anything.


Promptly at 12:30 the vet arrived, it was more of a bittersweet to see her. She explained what would happen as Sierra laid on her bed and we rubbed her head and said our goodbyes. In seconds she peacefully passed away. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done but such a burden was lifted. She was no longer suffering. We wrapped her in her blanket, grabbed her bed and toys...the stuffed kitty that has lasted years with its heading still holding on by a string, her other tug-of-war stuffed bear which only had the body left and no stuffing, and her tennis ball of course. We laid her in her grave, said our good-byes and each grabbed a shovel. After we were finished, we walked back to the house and left for work. Talk about emotionally and physically drained, how can your body produce so many tears when you are so dehydrated.

And no we never did get our family picture but that's ok, God must have made us sick together for a reason. As I look back and think about it, I wouldn't want to look at that picture and see how skinny and sad she looked. It would just bring back all those memories of her being ill. Instead I will enjoy the ones we have.

Our Florida beaches 2002.

Chase helping Sierra shed, notice the one sock. :)

Looking back...

As I sit here and browse through all the photos on my computer, I've just been reminscing and can't believe how fast time flies and how big Chase is. I started blogging to journal so I can remember and then I get busy and don't write our events. It is so important to me because so many things happen in our lives that I want to remember someday and think I will and of course I don't. Just the little things of when Chase was a baby. I swore I would remember...and I don't. I didn't write everything down as I had planned, as all new mothers do I am sure. Some are a lot better at it but not me. And if I did this poorly with just one, let's see how it goes with two. I think I just get too wordy sometimes and think I have to write everything. Well, I guess I do because I look back and read the past year and smile at the memories I have here in blogworld. Maybe for my B'day gift I will send some of them to a book.

But my whole reason for tonight's reminiscing is not actually for fun. As I sit here I am listening to our beloved dog Sierra Jane, breathing, I know soon one of these breaths will be her last. She is just one and a half months of 12 years old and has some kind of cancer. She has lost so much weight and is struggling, really struggling. It has come to the point today that she won't even eat and barely drink. I made an appointment for the vet to come to our house to lay her to rest but I couldn't go through with it and canceled. And now as I sit here, I see just how selfish I was. She is suffering and now we have to wait until Monday, if she doesn't go in her sleep.

Such a somber post but this has been my life the past month of her slowly declining with Brad and I trying to save her. She is OUR dog, our family. We have had since we were dating and picked her out together at Lollipop farm when she was just 6 weeks old. But I am not going to go there tonight. Brad and I have been very emotional all week and we have nothing left. We are ready to say to goodbye and we have both told her it's ok to go. I am hoping she will go peacefully in her sleep.

But back to the pictures. I started looking through them because when you are faced with the reality that something that is so part of your life will no longer be there you wonder...do we have pictures/memories of all us? We are all family....Brad, me, Chase, Sierra, Jasper and even Baxter. But I could not find one family picture of all us. Thankfully I have a few of Chase and Sierra but not all of us. I know some may think that is ridiculous but that's ok. We had Sierra for 10 years before little man joined our family. We would send pictures of her home to family.

As long as she makes it through the night, we will get our family pictures tomorrow after church in front of our Christmas tree. She make look skinny and sick but we will have our family picture....

Last fall 2008....

Naked baby painting...

Yes, for real. I am in the process of painting our upstairs hallway. I know. Strange. But since I ripped out the carpet, which I don't regret, we've had some unexpected expenses come our way that we have to tend to first. You know Brad needs a truck to get to work, so that came first, of course.

So what about disgusting leftover wood flooring that was staring back at me everytime I walked on it? Well, last Thursday my mom was visiting and suggested I paint it in the meantime. Perfect. I have tons of paint in the cellar, there has to be something I can use or mix together to make work. So that day Chase and I ventured down and grabbed about five gallons of leftover paint to see what I could come up with. Of course, his little four-wheeler had to come upstairs too. And of course I had to push him around the house before I could view the paint.

So finally after trying to open three cans with a screw driver and pliers and with Chase's help and no luck, I finally got a can of white satin paint open and a can of eggshell brownish that I used in the bathroom. I mixed them together to get a color I liked and Viola! my new hallway "carpet."

It makes is so much more liveable and it looks pretty good.

But where's the naked baby painting you ask. Well, if mommy is painting Chase wants to too. Actually I had about 95% of it done and then he decided he wanted to. So I asked Brad to put him in some raggedy clothes but as Brad took off his shirt and pants, Chase yells out..."Baaabyyy" which means "Naked Baby!" When he is getting dressed/undressed I sometimes play with him and say "Naked baby!" loud and get his belly. I put him down and he just hugged his belly and starting laughing and yelling "Baby!"So he likes to be naked now.

Well, I told Brad don't worry about clothes then, just let him paint naked. So out toddles Chase with a paintbrush in hand and just his socks. And of course, the first thing he painted was his socks, so the socks came off, why were they still on anyway. But I gave him his own paint and he "painted" the floor with me.

While we were painting and I look up and a paint brush is coming at my eye. "Paint eye" he says. "No, No, Chase." So he paints his own eye, well more like his brow.

Let's just say not much painting took place on my end, too busy trying to keep him from painting me and taking pictures of course, which was a challenge. He likes to get right in front of me and say "Cheese." Which of course he is too close to take one.

I've been playing with my camera settings so please don't mind the 'below-par' photos.

"Dights" "More"

From the mouths of babes. These are the words from Chase tonight on our way home from church as we drove by the many Christmas lights. It may have taken an us extra five minutes to get home as we slowed and sometimes stopped to look at the lights. I would point out one window to all the lights and then a little farther down point out the other window. "Dights! Dights!... Whoa!... More!" Chase exacts words as he looked out the window. So I guess this means we will be taking a family trip one of these nights to look at Christmas lights, my favorite pasttime. :)

Finding our Christmas tree...11-29

In itself was quite the event, not the actual getting of the tree but getting there. Long story short...got home from church, changed, grabbed the camera, snack and jumped in the truck. Truck wouldn't start, sat there tried again, still nothing. Contemplated what to do, Option 1: take the car and tie the tree on top, not my favorite, or Option 2: ask Jeff to borrow his truck to get our tree. I liked Option 2 much better. So we put Chase back in the car, drive to Jeff and Katie's and put Chase in the truck. Are you following how many times we just moved Chase? Car, out of car seat into the house, then in the truck, then back in the car, then in Jeff's truck. Phew. An hour later we are walking the tree lot to find the "perfect" tree. It was a perfect, sunny day but no snow which was much easier for Chase to tromple around.